Thursday, December 31, 2009


its 11.56 now..4 minutes to go...i have maximised my speaker volume..i am able to hear the crackers bursting ...4 .3.2.....1..........
HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NEW YEAR..................................................................................


its 31st December 2009 11.30 p.m..i am waiting 4 the next year...i haven't found any new year resolutions yet..and ma mind is hunting 4 one...jay Sean's down is being played again and gives me some kind of happiness..and his words seem to console me...i can say this new year is with my jay sean..

Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down,
Down, down
Ooh (ohhh)

You oughta know, tonight is the night to let it go,
Put on a show, I wanna see how you lose control,

So leave it behind 'cause we, have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape.

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down,

Just let it be, come on and bring your body next to me,
I'll take you away, hey, turn this place into our private getaway,

So leave it behind 'cause we, have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape,
(So why don't we run away)

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down,

(LiL Wayne)
Even if the sky is falling down like she supposed to be,
She gets down low for me,
Down like her temperature, 'cause to me she zero degrees,
She cold, overfreeze,
I got that girl from overseas,
Now she my miss America,
Now can I be her soldier please,
I'm fighting for this girl,
On a battlefield of love,
Don't it look like baby cupid sendin arrows from above,
Don't you ever leave the side of me,
Indefinitely, not probably,
And honestly I'm down like the economy,

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down

and this sing completely fits into ma new year mood..and i have decided to put this song on max volume at 12.00..................and then i would pray and thank HIM so that i and ma loved 1 s could see this new year with peace and prosperity......i am awaiting ma new year...okies..i have reached ma resolutions....
1..i would be optimistic as i am now..
2..i would learn something new everyday..
3..i would never let my dreams die..

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Ma cousin had his first stage programme in Chennai..he is only 11..and my sister was talking about how he faced the stage for the first paved a way for a lot of my memories..i was bored after ma board exams of 10Th...vacation was filled with food an computer games only..i got a call from a friend 1 day asking whether we could join for personality development camp...we were so excited about that and the very next day we enrolled for the class..each session was different and exciting..i was able to have so many good friends there.. sessions included breaking the ice,team spirit fostering,self confidence boosting, personality development,memory enhancement and at last public speaking...every day the class went smooth and were filled with fun..and at last PUBLIC SPEAKING..i was an active student during ma school days ..but the thought of standing alone in the stage and addressing people really gave me a shock..every day i skipped that friend was confident enough for a mock session..but i was so diffident that i din even appear for that..but i couldn't escape..i thought a lot and finally got a topic...

The day arrived for ma speech..i was so nervous that i din have food or speech started and i completed it as fast as i could..i was so happy that i got that headache over..but man proposes;God disposes..the very next day i was asked to give a speech on the last day of the camp..i froze with fear..i couldn't escape anyway as the officials asked me directly...hooo...i had no other option...i was asked to talk about the experience i had in the camp...on the D day my name was called whole body began to tremble and i couldn't walk cos ma legs had frozen...i reached the stage..and had a look at the throat went damn dry..i felt i could have a heart arrest the very next moment...and there i closed my eyes for a minute and i took out the paper where i noted the important points was wet with sweat..and i could feel ma hands shiver with fear...and i started with ''a very good morning to each an every 1 present here...''and there i went if the power to my mike has been cut off...i stood there for a minute thinking what to tell about..the notes in ma hands were crying like anything and i could feel ma legs rubbing each other..

I got stuck again and there i was like Hrithik Roshan in KRISH; started talking about something i can say UTTER RUBBISH...i talked about the officials who took seminars and how friendly they were to us,and suddenly i changed ma language..and all the stupidity i did in stage gave away a big laughter to the crowd..i knew i was spitting out all that i could..and in the end i started wit ma friendship in the camp..i took out each of ma friend's name and i was about to say that Akash(name changed) was ma best friend and why i liked him...but i was so frustrated to end the talk that i ended up saying ''u know what , i love Akash!!!!Akash is very sweet and decent..i love Akash for what he is and bla bla...there was Akash in the crowd shocked to hear what all i shouted through the mike...and i could also see the audience startled with what i said...and at last i said, "it was my luck that i could participate in this camp.thank you everyone...."i came down the diaz and there ma friends came to me an asked "do u have any idea what all u said?are you in love wit Akash?...".Akash came to me and looked at ma face and he started laughing so loud that all ma friends joined him...i also started laughing with them at myself.....but that experience has left me something worth..after that incident i became so bold i can say damn bold to go on to any stage and say anything stupid or wise in front of anyone or crowd..stage fear is nothing to me now..and i really thank that stage experience for this...Akash and my friends used to remind me all those whenever we have a talk...

Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do what happens to you- Aldous Huxley


i prefer to have a slim physique..the idea of putting on weight kills me..and these days my mom has been complaining that i have gone so lean..and all ma cousins support her..i am 54. 80 kg now..and my mom wants me to be 58 kg..i weighed about 61 kg during the last year of my college and i know i looked like a sack bag with loads of fat in ma face and body...and i have decided to go ahead with their so called ''fitness''..

Sunday, December 27, 2009


i am born into a family where no 1 has compelled me to pray..i remember even Shahrukh Khan telling the same...during my school days i used to read a lot of books from which i got confused a lot..some authors or leaders whom i adored would be against idol worship and i know their principles were true..some others believe that chanting and praying alone connects you to lord..and the history classes irritated me teaching about the religions, wars,revolutions and gods..i was influenced deeply by the communists then...i chose my dad's path..he believes helping poor and needy is equivalent to prayers or chants or japas...and till now ma questions remains unanswered..i believe everyone has god inside conscience..i believe temples,churches and mosques were built for social gatherings,unity and upliftment of the society ...and god is everywhere....i have 3 strings which i got from different temples tied around ma hand....if anyone sees that they would think of me as deeply religious and spiritual..but i am not..i am a devotee at the same time i believe what ma dad says...and the strings are a part of ma signature style now...but questions still haunt me.........


i feel blank..empty...without any thoughts or ideas i am moving on like year resolutions doesn't make any sense for me..if they make sense then everyday would be a new year for me...i asked my colleagues what their resolutions of them said its to make 10 close friends..another said to make a best est friend..then they asked mine..and i was resolutions as such..i thought about resolutions..and whether should there be anything like resolutions??till now my questions remain unanswered..

Friday, December 25, 2009


On ma way home from my office with my colleague on 24 Th December 2009, we saw a crowd in front of a wall in the road..we paused there to see what was happening..we went closer to the crowd and saw a guy doing some damn good drawing on the wall..we were so excited to see such a work piece in the middle of the road...the man was using leaves for green color and charcoal for black..he was giving life to a typical village in Kerala...i took ma mob and absorbed a bit of his excellent work...the creativity he portrayed in his work was awesome...there were a loads of people who were astonished to see the guy's handwork...i was so shocked when i heard them saying that the guy is mentally upset..i looked at the guy..he was so shabby,dark with torn clothes,an murmuring something to himself..not knowing his great work was viewed in envy and curiosity by a lot of people ...i and ma colleague thanked God at the very moment...just imagine we couldn't even write on the exam paper when an invigilator stood in front of us..cos we were conscious...but to see this guy doing his work unaware of the world outside...there was traffic jam and block for several hours....God has blessed his hands...i realized this was the real magic..STREET MAGIC..

Thursday, December 17, 2009


what is politics??i have only heard of the party politics so far in my 22 years of life..and the office politics do get me on my nerve sometimes...i wish to throw all the files and folders and say ''oh god i am fed up..i want to run away to the edge of the world..''..but when i hear of the big corporate politics in some top notch companies, i know ,i compare mine and then i say and console myself saying ''this is the world..and i am only at the door...the world is bad...i should face whatever comes..i don't give a damn''....politics existed even in Mahabharata and Ramayana why should we complain about whats going on now..right?that's my attitude..and i will enter the big corporate world very soon........


i am sometimes prove that an incident office is in the third usually i take stairs or lift happened 1 day...i walked to my office building...i saw the lift coming to the ground floor..i was running out of time..and the thought of being late for the office killed me...i was accompanied by other staff from the ground when the lift reached the second floor, the door opened,and everyone except one guy went out..i don't have any idea why i also joined them out..and at that moment i understood my level of sense when they said'' sorry ,your office is in the third floor..'' ufff i melted like a candle at that moment itself..sweated..and as soon as i turned back, i saw the lift had already gone up...and there i stood for a minute or so,and calmly took the steps up to my office..i thought about my sense..common sense..laughed at myself alot..and the moment i reached my office the words of the great Voltaire came to my mind..'' COMMON SENSE IS NOT SO COMMON''..........thank you Voltaire...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Everyday i have a clock ticking above or may be inside my head...the moment i wake up, the clock starts ticking as there is pre defined time for each and every activity in my day...i wake up at 6.30 hearing my mom's 'oh gal..get up 4 gods sake ...''..and then i think what to do next...i hear the tick tick..and some kind of force lead me to the bathroom and there i wonder how to brush properly,the correct time required for brushing and also the dreams i had the previous night...then i take my tea..there is the scheduled work for me..brooming and sweeping ...i complete it any way and there comes my mom telling me that it was not clean enough and again making me work like she is my boss...i have strange thoughts in my mind and seriously i don't remember what all i think about and then i start sneezing because of the dust allergy i have...anyhow i complete my work at 7.30 and i rush to the bathroom .. i come out at 8.10 and i put on my favourite music an i dress up and have ma food by 8.30...and i do ma hair and pack my bag and at 8.50 step out of my house...

Waiting for my bus.. you feel that the bus is inclined as it comes 2 u .. its crowded.........ohhhhhhhhh..and somehow i try to get in..sometimes have to take adventurous journey in the foot board..sometimes you can get free stamping ,good shots with umbrellas and hand bags and also the unbearable body odour hearing to the vibrations and shrill of the ring tones of some 9.15 anyway i have my stop and if lucky i could get my shawl an churidar back in the good form..
I start walking though the road singing to ''mein jo hoon,jo chahu..wo paavooooooooooooooooooooooo............''of love aaj kal the exact way saif walks in that..i get to the temple of muruka and aanjaneyar.. i pray and i take the pradakshinam and i get the prasadam and the punyam...and at 9.25 i get out of the temple and i cross the road and as i enter my office building i look up at my office on the third floor and say in my mind '' C ...I AM COMING ......WATCH OUT YEA...''..if i am so health conscious that day i take stairs or if i am tired and is out of time i use lift..and at sharp 9.30 i step in to my office and greet my colleagues an give bhasmam to them...and the day begins 4 me..clock starts ticking for ma job ...and the clock ticks sharp at 5 pm when i have to leave...
I come down at 5.05..i walk to my bus stop humming to ''am walkin away from the troubles in ma lif...''by craig david as if i have done something extraordinary and the same fights and WWF in the bus and at 5.45 i step down at my stop ...and i have my tea and snacks hearing to mom and dad about all the happenings in my home ...then my favourite part ...i get in to my seat and have my favourite song and start browsing ...and blogging ...and at 8.00 have my food ..and at last at 10.30 i get to bed after brushing and cleansing and pray for the hard day God has given me and goodnight an sweet dreams.........


i always wonder why i have started blogging again....may be my confidence is fading..or my confidence is exceeding its limits...i dont have any one now to give me the correct judgement..and whatever i am moving on...


These days i am addicted to one guy JAY SEAN...i had a craze for him when he was in the Rishi rich project...and also in the 'hum tum' 'u an i' song...then years 1 day i got to hear his ''down''....tadaaaaaaaaaaaa...i am again in to what i am so happy that he has a good built physique also...and his lyrics are mind blowing ..and his British accent my favourite time pass is to collect all his lyrics..........and his 'down' makes me go crazy...i even hear this song about 20-22 times a day....i love u jay..

Saturday, December 12, 2009

PARANOID ME.........

i am a paranoid..sometimes i stick with a world of my own..completely .sometimes i feel to be in the centre of a group laughing my guts out at some stupid jokes..sometimes i laugh at my self..yesterday i was so alone...felt that the world was closing upon me...four walls of my room trying to squeeze me......

Friday, December 11, 2009

COLLEGE DAYS..............

i never had a good college life the way its shown in films or the way my friends in other colleges was a self finance college and we were bound to so many unnecessary rules an restrictions..and as always our class stood apart from all the disciplined departments..we were sparking electrical guys...our batch was the notorious batch the college ever had..we were exposed to suspensions,boycott,parents meetings,punishments,apology letters every friday all the 4 years...and we all enjoyed every part of it ...but we missed the fun and frolic being a college student cards ,shoes ,uniforms uff hooo life was like that of lower primary students...i always felt the absence in me ..being a real spoiled brat inside..and the rules of the college..the ultimate contradiction !!!!!!!!....i an my friends used to calculate years,months,weeks,days,seconds and even milliseconds thinking of the freedom that we will be exposed to, once the college is finished ...


i am unable to sleep today..i don't know why..maybe its a Friday as Saturday is off for me...may be someone dear is thinking about me...well i am now thinking about my first job that i am into now......i am going to leave this job very soon ..probably by first week of January..i loved this job..and i can see a real difference in me before i got into this and now..those first days of my job ..whenever i closed my eyes i could see only excel spread sheets,target and schedule lists unfolding...... i just loved that ..the thrill of having responsibilities...the pride of having a good job ...the art of handling risks...the time management i cultivated .....the way my communication skills have improved..the excitement i felt when i received my first pay and the moment i handed over the same to my dad..its a feeling that nothing could give me so far stand on my feet.. ..and today is December 11Th..and already i feel a vague and weak heart in me...thinking of the day i am gonna say good bye to this job and the prime part good friends so far ..the way i had a true college life with the faculties and MD s there.....i swear i wont and cant forget you guys as each and everyone has left in me a true reflection of humanity,sincerity,cooperation and love... i am gonna miss u guys..................

Thursday, December 10, 2009

CONFUSED .................

i am confused ...but i dont know the reason ...i am wondering at the state of mind i am having it possible to get into the depth of a person and know his aatma??the real him /her??the way he/she thinks?mind reading maybe....


These days i am addicted to ''incomplete'' by backstreet boys...the lyrics haunt me....and the song s shot superb..and what thrilled me most is their finger rings particularly AJ MC LEAN'S am in search of such a ring for me....and my friend is already mad with this song as i sent the song to him also ... .... just loved the lines .....................

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go..........
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

its like a ''breif history of time''

i am not new to blogging..yet i feel like a 8.53 p.m here i am thinking about what to write and how to 22 actually 22 an 9 months as ma mom says,and even at this point of time ma life is mechanical and hectic...